I think I’m starting to come to grips with why God let me go through some things in my past. I’ve failed a lot in my life… and I usually accept it and move on but there is one particular failure that has always bugged me. I failed big time when it came to becoming a doctor. I gave it my all. I worked and did everything I could to overcome what was in front of me but I was just not enough. For a long time I wondered why God didn’t help me more. He has helped me get through other things so why not that? I stopped bugging him about it and I feel like I finally understand a part of the story.
Looking back at my past … I can see one of my biggest character flaws has been pride. If you’ve been friends with me for any time at all I’m sure you’ve seen its ugly head come up. I’m not talking about a healthy self-confidence type of pride. That is all well and good and necessary. This is the type of pride that tries to make everything about me. The kind of pride seen very often in snotty little brats. I guess that means I was and sometimes still am at times a brat. The only real cure for it … is to run into the ground. God is working on it and I’m doing my best to not have to learn the hard way.
With that pride in the way it is almost impossible to truly love others. It is so easy to be apathetic to the suffering of others, so easy to take offense at small things, so easy to hold grudges, so easy to expect more than what is right … the list just goes on.
I’m definitely not a point where I’ve conquered the issue but my failures have more than made me aware of it. My heart is changing, little by little.
1 comments:
if you think about it, we're pretty much just an army of selfish brats on most days. it's that one epic moment in the battle when we're all one and in love with Him that the tide turns and the awesome LOTR orchestra begins to play ;P
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