tougher days

The last few months have been great. With the exception of a few rough spots... I've had an absolutely awesome time. The inner pessimist in me has always wondered how long it would last. Doubts about this roll I've been on have been creeping in the last few days. I've been at home and without work to do at the school. I don't believe them though.

You know when you have too much time to think and then your mind becomes your own worst enemy?

Like I said before... I won't be shaken. I trust God and the plans he has for my life. He has been so good to me. The constant in my life, as always, is my relationship with Christ. He has been so strong for me. He is my source, my motivation, my strength, my hope...

I still don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I see a lot of people around me that have a set plan. They know exactly what they want and they're going for it. I'm really happy for them. I hope God blesses their endeavors. I'm definitely not like that. Sometimes that worries me. I would describe my personality as driven... that is hard when I don't know what to strive for. This definitely worried me a lot in the past. I've dedicated my efforts into getting to know my Lord. My impact in this life will ultimately be because and through him... so I'm honestly not worried.

I've been listening to a few new albums lately. The new Jars of Clay album of course. It hasn't grown on me yet. It takes me a long time to get into their albums. There are select songs that definitely touch my heart but overall... it hasn't gotten to me yet.

I like the following songs ... Boys (Lesson one), Hero, Scenic Route

Haha, right after I wrote that... I heard Hero again and the lyrics are exactly how I feel right now.

We’re in shock from the failed emotion
No cause in a shadow land
We sing while the city's burning
No room, no escape, no plan
We all never thought it would end this way

And we need a hero
To save us from ourselves
We need a hero
To save us from ourselves

Save us from ourselves
Save us from our fear
When the sirens wail, we need a hero here

We hide on our knees in silence
Maybe God doesn't hear at all
And the wait overtakes the violence
And we watch as the giants fall
We're not gonna let it end this way

~Hero
Jars of Clay

I'm currently in love with a new band. Chasen. This is from one of their songs. I really like their sound.

Take a storm and watch sing
Take the thunder create a scene
Take a light and throw it across the sky
For the whole world to see
Take the ocean take the tide
Sweep it in here on beaches white
Wipe my eyes and let me see
The beauty of Your sunrise
There is nothing like You
There is nothing underneath the son
Without You, You are all and all is good
There is nothing like You

Take a branch and watch it break
Take the snow and watch it fall
As the green begins to grow
Lord Your growing my soul

~Chasen

It's been almost 4 months now since Christina and I broke up. I haven't really updated any about that. I've done this on purpose. I needed time before I could rationally talk about it. I think she and I both got to the point where we agreed that it was the right thing to do. I don't regret the relationship. That's funny... because I regret some of the short ones I had before that. She and I worked to make the relationship as God honoring as we knew how. We kept ourselves pure. It wasn't easy to let go but it was the right thing to do. I'm really glad there isn't any bitterness ... or anger ... or resentment ... It was a clean break and probably the best breakup I've had. These are kind of cheerful terms for a breakup but... that is how it is. I learned a lot from the relationship.

I guess that is all I have to say on that for now.